Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton

This one was supposed to be it. This month. It was supposed to be the month we finally got a break through. This month was supposed to be the month where we would find out that I was pregnant. Just like all the months before too. But this month was different. It was our last chance with my doctor before I go to a specialist. It was our last round of clomid. Our last round of ovidrel. It was supposed to work, yet I’m left with a negative pregnancy test and two broken hearts. The last two weeks has been the slowest two weeks, which they always are, I should be used to it by now. Throughout these two weeks my husband had a feeling this was it. This was the month. I did too I just didn’t want to project it like he did. I didn’t want to once again get my hopes up, even though I did. I wanted to stay guarded, but deep down I know I’m not guarded at all. I thought that this would be our miracle baby. And right now I feel like that is what it is going to take, a miracle. Two weeks ago when I went to pick up my ovidrel I knew it was going to be a little expensive because our insurance sent us a letter explaining that they weren’t going to cover it any more, which we kind of figured out because the month before we had to pay a little bit more than the month before that. So I go to pick it up and the pharmacist told me it was going to be $476.48. My heart hit the floor board of my car. I told her either way I need it filled and I had to take it so I picked up my other medicine and then drove to the back side of the Walgreens parking lot and had a break down. I didn’t know how we were supposed to pay for this especially given the fact that it might not work. We were literally gambling our money away. So I called my husband to see what we can do. By this time he’s on his way home and I’m still in the Walgreens parking lot. He meets me in the parking lot and we try to figure out what we’re going to do. If we want to use that money for the specialist or just chance it. We decide to go in and talk to the pharmacist. We found it cheaper at Walmart like $200 cheaper so as we’re walking out to go to walmart she calls our name over the intercom. We go back to the pharmacy and the insurance some how covered the medicine. We paid $30. We both knew without even saying it, this was God. We have been put through so much and this was Him reminding us that He is still rooting for us. Our insurance wasn’t supposed to cover it. That’s when we knew that this month was going to be ours. So if I were to get pregnant this month that was going to be our story. We literally had a miracle, but the miracle did not turn out the way we wanted. So now we’re left with the uncertainty of what our future will look like. We don’t know what to expect with this infertility specialist. We don’t know how much harder this road will get. We don’t know when God will give us that tiny little miracle. What I do know is that He hasn’t left our side even though it may feel like it. What I do know is that my husband and I love each other so much that we can get through this trial in our lives. What I do know is that we have support from our family and friends. I also know that we will see the other side of this, even if it seems a little distant. And I know it will be beautiful.

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